Random Ramblings of One Black Woman

Today, somebody tweeted a Youtube link on black skin by a guy called Tommy Sotomayor. A lot of what he says are the general facts of the nature of black people. I don’t know much about black men, I’ll admit, but I know black women and so, that is my topic for today.

The majority of the time a white man marries a black woman in Zambia, you can almost guess what they look like. There are a rare few that are married for love. A few black Zambian women who do not fall under the description of the usual. They look past skin colour and the definitions of beauty, because those are thoughts of a basic mind. However, this isn’t about inter-racial marriages or relationships. I’m not praising them or talking down on them. Its about the most obvious reasons that people of all races are still sceptical about black women. Be it making friends out of us or even dating us.

The first reason is that most of us black women are rude. I don’t mean that we should all greet strangers or sit and listen to every person that wants to engage in conversation but basic politeness. There are barely any thank yous or pleas from us. The need to look tough or be strong is there in every person but only black women rub it in people’s faces. We go off and make scenes anywhere and in all honesty, it is NEVER really that serious.

We will challenge anybody over the smallest things. Its beyond rare to find another race making an entire video to bash men of their own race. Its just us. A black woman will raise hell online about men (in video form, at that) with a million people watching and go back to complain about a husband that ran away. But if we’re really being honest, who wants to wake up to that drama every single day for the rest of their lives?

Second would be that we tend to think that having a whipped man is winning. That, in itself, explains why most single mothers below 20 are black. When you strip a man down and bring him to your level, any other woman that gives him even an ounce of respect has the upper hand. If the man you’ve stripped down to a boy doesn’t snap eventually, count yourself lucky.

We’re rarely supportive. Even when the person winning is our man, we’ll find a way to rain on that parade. Unless of course, we played a major role in it. We dismiss innovative dreams, calling them childish thoughts and still stand there in awe when he achieves those dreams and makes it a point to cut us off. A man does not jump every time you tell him to. Its not something you need to change; its something you need to embrace.

In addition, I’d say that black women are always so quick to shy away from being black. A lot of us will take any route to tell you we have traces of other races. Speaking so proudly of a slight hint of another race, as though being black is something to be ashamed of. Tommy Sotomayor said, “black people are the only race that has no problem being at the bottom but would much rather pick out amongst themselves who is furthest down.”

We also love to be around certain people just to make ourselves feel better because somebody at some point did that to us. I’ve been that black girl with a friend who I thought was beneath me. She never was beneath me, I realise that now. I thought the fact that I was once the ugly friend that somebody took around, made it justifiable for me to do that to somebody else. Its not. It never was, and I have outgrown that level of immaturity.

Other black girls do the opposite and seek the girl that people say is better than them and looks better than them. That isn’t better in any way at all. You can have the cool friend with every single thing, from the looks, all the way to material things but where does that put you? In a position to never ever improve, because you think having that friend puts you above others. It doesn’t. All it does is keep you glued to one spot.

Another common characteristic of ours is treating others as though they are obliged to help. Helping a person is not mandatory unless you are related or married, and even then, it depends on the type of help you require. Most of us don’t even know the difference between asking and demanding. We are really the only women that would turn to someone helping us change a tyre and say, “could you hurry up? I’m running late.” Adding a smile at the end! The smile on your face masking the fact that you’re demanding and not asking already takes you there.

I used to hate hearing opinions that start with, “the problem with black women…” Used to. But when I look around now, I see that most of the things that people have observed are actually true. I went from defending our usual bad habits to picking out what things I do and how others view them. Its so hard to identify intelligent black women because too many of us are so locked on comparing, complaining, gossiping and throwing shade. It is rarely an intelligent conversation.

Nobody just wakes up and looks at a black woman and says, “black women are so ugly.” Its when we open our mouths and a rotten attitude spills over, when we are out in public airing all our dirty laundry to win an argument, when we look over at the next girl and call her ugly because she’s darker, when we roll our eyes at compliments from strangers… It has nothing to do with our skin; it has everything to do with our attitudes.

P.S. Not every black woman is like this. I specified, ‘THE MAJORITY’. 🙂

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