Sometimes, I stop and look at episodes of my life as a picture. Or rather pictures. A collage maybe but not exactly so random. There always was a build-up. A build-up to happy, to sad, to the bloody nights, a build-up to the ultimate heartbreak… Wow. The list is endless.
However, it makes me see that everybody likes to feel needed. Even when its the smallest things a person needs you for. Without having to say it, a lot of people serve as their significant other’s emotional stability. The one thing they are really sure about; the one thing they can count on to make them happy when things are going sour.
There was this one guy I met; a direct reflection of my personality minus the tears and overflowing love. Whoever said opposites attract was a liar. They never met a person that fitted them so perfectly, they made you wonder if it was truly possible to be so much like someone. So much like a total stranger! From childhoods to movies to our undying love for the same type of music. Perfect fit.
You know how hard it is to look someone in the eye and say to them, “I was there,” after they’ve thrown it back in your face? I forced the whole, “just tell me over the phone.” In short, I ran. No eye contact. That way, I had no risk of looking like the weaker one even if I really was all along. For as long as I could, I tried to maintain that I was fine. It was draining. I got sad, I cried, I poured out my heart.
However, I didn’t have the guts to give the “I was there” speech. Partly because I was more gutted about not being able to find someone else who knew me like that and partly because I didn’t know if I’d ever meet a person who saw me as their ‘happy’. A person who needed me just as much as I needed them. No more and no less. I never did after that, and I pray I never do.
So I guess we were perfect for a while. But the worst part of it was looking at the bigger picture. I saw a man drowning. From further back, it wasn’t a single picture of a man who was drowning; it was a series of photos. First he clung onto me because he was drowning. I was drowning too but it felt amazing to be needed. To be that much a part of someone’s life. I forgot the pain of the water in my lungs, the ache in my legs from trying to stay afloat… All of it.
Then as soon as he could breathe, he climbed onto me to float. Slowly, I began to realise he didn’t necessarily need me. We floated together anyway and slowly began nearing a shore. Here I was thinking we’d get out of the water and be together forever. Thinking he would need me just as much as he did when we were two individuals drowning. But as soon as he saw the shore, he used me as a platform to get himself out of the water and never looked back.
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