Visible Smiles And Inner Wars.

I made a friend recently. Bubbly for days! Give this cutie even ten minutes of silence and sorrow will wash over her face. Talk to her and the smile is back. You wouldn’t even know she was actually sad. Our facial expressions in the little time we have to ourselves (be it a minute, hour or day) show how we truly feel inside.

Some time last month, I read a quote by Paulo Coelho that said, “what matters about a pencil isn’t the outside but the graphite inside, so pay attention to what’s going on inside you”. Cool words, right? LOL. I thought so too. I liked it and I wrote it down but! I don’t think I fully understood it up until today. Just now, rather.

Everything looks fine all the time. With everything. The smiles, the hugs, the continuous laughter over drinks, the hand-holding… All of it. I mean, parents are the PERFECT examples. They opt to go silent when they just really want to blow up and yell, they go out to functions and greet people with smiles no matter what happened at home and most of all, for as long as they think they possibly can, they stay together.

Some people are so good at pretending to be happy that you could be in a relationship with them and actually believe that they are happy with you when all they are doing is praying you give up and walk away. Others just up and leave you while you’re still crazy about them. I always say, when things aren’t okay in a relationship, one person or both always know. One person will express it. Its not fair, right? Well, life’s not fair. So that leaves you with the thought; ‘heartbroken’ or ‘fine’?

Smile, they’ll tell you. I mean all your friends will tell you that you deserve better. Not so ready to dish out this ‘better’ though. Realisations make you want to escape. Night clubs have so many troubled people. Some people go out, get drunk and cry their hearts out. Some people get drunk but remain so preoccupied that they get home so high but still can’t sleep… Wishing it could just blow over. Some just drink silently and go home to their thoughts.

I had a lot of moments to myself today. Pretty much all day. During those moments, I understood what the quote about graphite meant. I needed to start paying attention to what’s going on inside me because while ‘I don’t know’ is an acceptable answer to give someone, its never an answer to give yourself.

Yours truly,
posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Advertisements