Fixing Yourself…?

If there is one thing we so often forget, its that we were built differently. We’ve looked different from the time we were younger, no matter how similar our diets or social circles are. When I was younger, I would stare at faces and wonder why we all had noses and lips and eyes but we didn’t look the same. And being a kid, I asked some girl why we didn’t look the same and she said to me, “your nose is bigger than mine.”
That, I remember clearly was the first time I ever hated a part of my body. And then, people began pointing out a lot of other things. I hated smiling wide cause I had a gap and then I just stopped cause of my rotten teeth, I never ate with people cause I was the fat one… Then I thought my nails were ugly. Then it was the colour of my hair, and then came acne. It was all a never ending process of fault-finding in myself.
I permed my hair, lost weight, painted my fingernails and toe nails all the time and everybody seemed pleased with my looks. Everybody but me. Although my new image made me feel accepted in its own way, it wasn’t what I was comfortable with. I was used to being big and having big hair… My nose? That was never going to change. Then, I decided to hang with guys. Cause I figured, I’m supposed to be physically different from them. It shouldn’t bug me that I’m not like them, right? LOL. Didn’t work out exactly the way I planned but I certainly loved myself a lot more than I did before.
Everybody around me was small. You know, flat tummies, tiny waists and it made me look at them and wonder why I had the body I did. Today, I weigh 70 Kilos. Which is fat by most peoples’ standards, but its what I’m comfortable with. Its what I know. I still have the big nose, and its an insecurity I’m more than glad faded away. I mean, it is on my face! Lol. I have a smile all the time despite my gap. You know, they say the most beautiful women in Africa have gaps between their top front teeth. I love my hands and feet and maybe they look better now because I treat them better. Well, now I do what I like to do. I don’t watch what I eat and I don’t count calories. I don’t look in the mirror and wish for things that aren’t there.
We forget that we are built differently. We can’t all have the exact physical abilities and we can’t all look the same. What will make us special then? Who will stand out? I have my own talents, and I’m happy with them. Trying to fix yourself to suit peoples’ tastes only makes you like yourself less. Don’t look into the next yard to compare your stomach or muscular legs or any physical attributes. Love what you have, work with what you have but most of all, be kind to your body.


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